This Is Usually The Part Where People Scream
by Arf-Arf-Psycho
Summary: It's a story that will never stop being told: save the world or lose the girl. But Victoria Shepard had never been much of a usual hero, and the girl was one she hated. But the hero always saves the day, and failing could prove to cost Shepard everything she'd never admitted she'd care to lose.


Time was running out.

As Victoria Shepard tore through the Reaper infested facility with a righteous fury burning fiercely in her emerald eyes, it was the one fact that hounded her thoughts second by second. The rest was a blur of what-if's and worries that she had to continually shake from her head to avoid losing herself completely.

She couldn't afford to lose it. Not now.

Not when Miranda was counting on her.

Occasionally, her worry would alarm and confuse her so much that she would wonder why she couldn't just leave the bitch to be skewered by Kai Leng and forget all about her. One less Cerberus loyal, one less problem.

The only thing was, Miranda was no longer Cerberus, and Shepard was unable to face the vicious clenching around her heart that occurred whenever she even entertained the idea. No, it wasn't an option. But she half wished it was.

"Shepard!" Liara shouted the warning, but it was unnecessary - Victoria had already swung a biotic fist at the husk rushing her before turning and shooting a precise series of pistol shots to the one approaching from behind. The Asari watched amazed, her friend tearing apart everything in her path, charging this way and that like an elusive blur of biotic blue and Shepard red, leaving destruction in her wake everywhere she went.

Shepard pressed on, with Liara and Garrus falling in behind, troubled at keeping up with the pace she was setting. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and while Garrus couldn't quite understand what had pissed the redhead off so much, he was seeing that the human phrase was turning out to be undoubtedly true. The Reapers didn't stand a chance. They continued to pour through the doorways, husks and cannibals in abounds, with the occasional banshee's screams reverberating through the blood-stained walls as it met its end with a biotic fist ripped through its chest.

Wave after wave fell to the blood-soaked stranger wearing Shepard's face. She was like a woman possessed.

In truth, she almost was; possessed by an indescribable emotion that had been tearing at her insides ever since seeing Kai Leng challenge Miranda on that video feed. It was the same emotion that had forced her to smash an armoured fist through the terminal screen and race off without even a smart remark about wishing the Cerberus Operative dead.

It was no secret that Miranda and Shepard had never seen eye to eye on anything. Ever. They had never gotten along and had resigned to the fact that they never would, finding it impossible to work together without constantly sniping at one another. It didn't ever seem to matter much on the battlefield though, as Shepard had surprisingly never been without the Operative at her side. Despite their glaring differences, they worked as a damn good team and they knew it. It was unfortunate, as they could never escape each other, and the arguing never ended.

That was why no-one was more surprised than Shepard herself when she realised that she'd be damned if she was going to let Miranda Lawson die. God knows she'd wanted to kill her herself more times than she could count, but there was no way in that God forsaken Reaper infested galaxy that she was about to let that slimy Cerberus assassin hurt her.

Victoria had thought that she would never hate another human being as much as she hated Miranda Lawson. Kai Leng had proved her wrong. And Victoria Shepard hated being wrong.

"Damnit, would you hurry up!" She barked at her teammates, barely even sparing a glance backwards.

"We're going as fast as we can Shepard." Liara replied calmly.

"It's not fast enough!" Her growl was ferocious, like a rabid animal hell-bent on killing.

Somewhere at the back of her mind, she knew that her friends didn't deserve the way she was treating them, but the thought was strangled by the strange emotion from before, that still had its claws dug so torturously deep into her soul. She'd thought it was anger before, at Kai Leng, at Cerberus, at Miranda's father and his sick experiments, or even at the thought of a former crewmate being threatened, as if she still felt some kind of responsibility for the other woman as a Commander.

But the further she got, the harder she pushed… the closer she got to realising the terrible truth.

It was fear that was tearing at her. Clutching her so tightly, she worried she would be unable to breathe. She had never been so terrified in all her life.

Worse, it was fear of Miranda Lawson dying. The same ice cold, Cerberus bitch who had been the object of her ire for so long – and she couldn't stand the thought of losing her. It was insanity, but an insanity that Shepard had been well aware of for some time now, as good as she was at denying it to even herself. There was no denying it now though.

She knew loss well. She had lost so many already.

_Not Miranda. Not today. And not like this. Not before I have the chance to tell her. _

The elevator was fast, but still felt too damn slow. Forever and a moment stretched out in the few seconds it took for it to reach its destination, and Shepard's heart was in her throat the whole time.

As the doors opened, it seemed all her haste had suddenly left her. She was paralysed, the fear in her heart taking hold of her until she could barely move. Vaguely, she could hear whispers of her friends, urging her on toward the doors before them. This was it. This was the moment. And all Shepard could do was stare, trapped by her own horror.

She wasn't ready to find out what lay beyond that door. She wasn't prepared to deal with what might come.

A wounded groan sounded faintly from the other side of the door, snapping Shepard back to reality.

_She's alive. The stubborn bitch is alive._

She raced forward through the opening doors, her eyes instantly fixing on the brunette lying injured on the floor.

"Shepard-" Her eyes were pleading, emotional in a way that only seemed to surface when Oriana was involved.

"Commander Shepard. Excellent timing." Henry Lawson's arrogant voice cut in, his arm wrapped tightly around the youngest Lawson's neck. Shepard's eyes narrowed, realising she'd been proved wrong again.

In that moment, she hated Henry Lawson almost as furiously as she hated Kai Leng.

"I really wouldn't do that if I were you." Her voice was as menacing as her expression, green eyes flashing nigh imperceptibly red.

"And what should I do? Oriana tried to shoot me. Miranda's poisonous influence no doubt."

"I'm sorry she missed." She snarled.

Garrus croaked a question about Kai Leng, but Shepard was too focused in her fury at the man before her to even concentrate on his answer. Every word from his mouth sounded like venom to Victoria's ears, as abhorrent as his very existence. Every second it grew harder to resist pulling the trigger.

"Miranda, can you hear me?"

Miranda stood, pained and with great difficulty, but getting to her feet nevertheless to stand beside Shepard once more. They were a team again, and nothing could stop them.

"That's close enough. Both of you!" Henry stepped back slightly, dragging Oriana with him. "Kai Leng didn't finish the job, but I will."

"You really believe you could take us? I don't think you know who you're dealing with. This ends here."

"On the contrary. Now that the Reapers are taken care of, we have a way out."

_Not on my life. _Shepard thought, her disgust for the man holding his daughter at gunpoint only growing by the second, almost rivalling her worry for his other daughter, who looked desperately at Shepard for salvation.

"Shepard… Don't let him take her." She pleaded, and Shepard winced. She would do anything for the woman when she looked at her like that.

_And how I hate her for it._

Oriana pleaded too and Victoria was filled with more resolve than ever that this disgusting excuse for a human being was not going to walk away from there with his life. Not even if hell froze over and said that they had no room. She was making room, no matter what.

"You hurt one single hair on her head, and I swear to every single God known in this damn fucking galaxy that I will rip you apart in the most torturously excruciating way, because a bullet to the head is far too good for you. You let her go, maybe you walk. You don't, and hell will be a welcome reprieve after what I have planned for you… Your choice."

He wavered, showing the good sense to truly be terrified of the woman before him. She was like some cruelly beautiful goddess of vengeance or war, with armour dripping blood and a mask of pure rage that lived up to her namesake. Victoria Eris Nemain Shepard, three spirits of War and bloodthirstiness combined in one daunting woman that could bring any man to his knees and make him shatter. And shatter Henry did, throwing Oriana to the ground in retreat.

"All right. Take her. But I want out alive. Deal?"

They were the last words ever uttered from his lips before the horrified scream that followed him to his death.

Miranda lowered a biotically charged arm, watching her father fall from the window behind him with an immense satisfaction.

"No deal." She managed to grunt with pain, before falling back to the ground numb, all her strength abandoning her. Oriana was safe, and that was all that mattered.

Her sister raced to her side almost as quickly as Shepard did, horror painted on both their faces.

"Miranda… Miranda I'm so sorry." Oriana wept, while Shepard found she couldn't say anything at all. Her breath was gone again, the terror clawing its way back in. Miranda was consoling her sister, whispering words about how proud she was, the things she wanted for her future. The words were a blur - Shepard only heard the pain in her voice and the rhythm of her accent.

"Shepard…"

That word made sense.

Miranda reached up, placing a hand on Victoria's cheek. It should have been a slap, after everything they'd been through, after everything they'd said. But it was a caress, and Victoria lifted her own hand to grip the Operative's tightly, desperately. As if holding onto a piece of her would mean that she couldn't leave her. That she would have to stay forever, as long as she always held on. Shepard would have held onto that hand forever, Reaper war be damned.

"I'm here." She whispered, unable to find any other words. Her mind was blank, her body aching. She felt sick.

"Before Kai Leng left, I planted a trace on him."

_Of course she did. _Shepard thought. No matter what, Miranda Lawson always got the job done.

"You thought of everything." She could barely choke the words out, desperately fighting the tears that were already suffocating her before they'd even had chance to fall.

"Not everything. Nobody's perfect, but at least Ori is safe."

Shepard had always known that Miranda Lawson was so very far from perfect. But that didn't stop her crying for her, feeling tears on her cheeks that she hadn't cried since being a child. It was a strange sensation, their warmth trickling down her ice cold skin.

She was supposed to say something, she knew. But she couldn't find the words. The traitorous tears that had fallen without her consent were strangling her, cutting off her words. All she could do was stare, look at this painfully beautiful, imperfect woman in her arms and wish she could have been better, and said the things she needed to say, admitted the things she should have admitted to herself in the very beginning.

Instead they'd fought, and argued and battled their way through knowing each other, with an unquestioned tension always hanging in the air between them. Shepard had known a long time ago… the way she'd felt for this woman that she hated, the way she'd wanted the woman that hated her back. But the words had never come.

And they still wouldn't come, with only tears in their place.

Miranda stared up at her confusedly, brows furrowed in incomprehension of the strange reaction from her rival.

"Why are you crying, you hate me remember?" she murmured, and Shepard almost laughed. What emerged from her lips however was closer to a choked sob.

And the words were suddenly there, forming in the back of her head and preparing to spill forth from her tongue like poison, a betrayal as cutting as the bitter tears that slipped from her eyes.

"Yeah I do. You're a bitch. I hate you so much that I don't and it drives me mad just thinking about it. I could never understand it. I wanted you. I needed you and I hated you and it made no sense and I couldn't sleep because of it. And when I did, I dreamed about you bitching at me like you always do, driving me insane even in my sleep. You never leave me alone so how could you think about just leaving me now? How could you?"

The tears were getting worse, making every word sound like a sob, a pathetic weeping that was as desperate as it was embarrassing. But she couldn't make it stop. The words were spilling as quickly as her tears, and just as out of her control.

"I'm not just gonna let you get away with it. I'm not just gonna let you die. You know how good Chakwas is, we can get you fixed up and we can go back to hating each other. It'll be just like old times, just don't die. Please." If she could have heard herself, her begging would have sickened her. But her brain was betraying her too, making her do and say things she had never wanted to.

And all the while, Miranda stared back at her wide eyed, revelation swirling in her steely blues as bright and surprising as a sunrise at Midnight.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She whispered, scared that at any louder volume her voice would break.

"Tell you what?" Shepard tried so desperately to grasp onto her last reserve of control, but when Miranda whispered her name so tenderly, so softly and pleadingly…

"What was I supposed to say? I hate you and you hate me. What kind of sense would it make for me to…to…" Shepard sighed. "I was scared all right? How stupid is that? I've faced down a Reaper army, and a thresher maw on foot, but I totally broke in the face of admitting that I love you." Her voice wavered, it couldn't be trusted anymore. She couldn't trust herself at all. The words were said when they were never supposed to be. It had never been part of the plan. But her brain had failed and her eyes had watered and her tongue had formed the words she hadn't wanted to say. Everything was wrong.

When Shepard finally dared meet Miranda's eyes, she found that the other woman was wearing a strange expression.

"I really wish you'd told me." Her blue eyes flickered to Shepard's full lips briefly, before returning to meet the vibrant green that had always stirred such fury in her, such passion. "…Because I've been dying to do this for the longest time."

She used every remaining bit of strength and willpower she had left to lift herself upwards, close enough for her lips to press heatedly against Shepard's, realising an undisclosed desire that had harried them both for so long. The connection was heart-wrenching, lips moving together in a long awaited dance that was as sorrowful as it was wonderful. The kiss was relatively brief, but felt so much longer, Shepard's heart twisting so wretchedly that she almost wanted to cry even more. She hardly recognised herself.

Miranda only pulled back far enough to see Victoria's eyes, the Operative's scarce and sacred breaths mingling with Shepard's own. The silence swept on, both women knowing that this would be their first and last kiss, bittersweet and so very painful.

Shepard tried to lighten the mood. "Did you just make a dying pun? I didn't even know you could make jokes." Shepard smiled half-heartedly. Miranda laughed. Shepard had never heard a more beautiful sound.

"Occasionally."

Shepard tried to laugh back but it once again descended into a sob.

"Please don't die on me. I don't know if I can keep myself together if you… and I doubt the alliance would appreciate me taking all that money and all those brilliant scientists away from building the crucible to start a new Lazarus Project."

Miranda scoffed. "Please, as if any one of them could match up to me." She joked. Shepard was surprised to find that the other woman had so many in her final minutes when she had been so completely bereft of them in the past. Then Shepard wondered if she just hadn't listened enough. She wished she'd listened harder. She wished she'd tried harder.

"You're right. I've never met anyone quite like you."

"No you haven't." Miranda smirked slightly, but her weakness was growing ever more evident in the laxity of its execution. "You can do this Shepard, I believe in you… I just wish we could have-"

Shepard froze a little inside as the raven haired beauty's head fell back, the life gone from her hollow eyes.

"Miranda?" Oriana sobbed. "Miranda?"

Shepard couldn't move at all. Her insides were caving in and her heart had squeezed so hard she thought it had almost stopped beating. Breathing was almost impossible through the vice like grip her chest had wrapped itself in and her brain had all but ceased activity. She just stared, broken and defeated, faced with the realisation that the hero didn't always save the day. She'd known. She'd felt that way before. But it had never quite hit her like this. Never so thoroughly, never so agonising or insufferable as in that moment - never so unbearable.

She needed to scream, but her mouth wouldn't open. All the screaming she did was internal, and the sound of it was deafening.

"Shepard?" Garrus stood awkwardly by the doorway, unsure of what to do with what he had just witnessed, or how to comfort his closest friend. He'd always thought that the day Miranda Lawson died would be the day Shepard had the wildest party of her life, dancing on the Cerberus woman's grave with alcohol and streamers. Instead, she was broken, and he didn't know how to go about picking up the pieces.

He looked to Liara, but she hadn't seemed surprised at all. Not by any of it. She stood with her head bowed and sad eyes that conveyed a great deal of hurt for their friend, but no disbelief. She had known. She had always known.

"Shepard." He tried again.

Victoria's head snapped up, her eyes meeting his for the first time. The emptiness within them was haunting. Garrus shuddered.

"I should… check the perimeter. Then we can… We'll get Oriana to safety and we can…" She rested Miranda's head gently down on the floor, standing woodenly with a barely composed expression on her features. The Turian went to reach out, but she raised a hand.

"Don't. I just… I just need to check the perimeter" she repeated, walking briskly from the room and into another beside it, standing perfectly still as the doors slid shut behind her.

And finally, in the emptiness of that office, with a thousand tears left to shed, and a thousand more terminals to destroy, she lost it.

* * *

XIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI

* * *

The journey back to the Normandy had been silent, and the arrival on the ship had been quieter still. Shepard had ignored everyone, entered the elevator and locked her cabin door for an entire day.

The next, she exited it as if nothing had changed at all.

She smiled and laughed and made fun of her crew, and did Shepard things as normally as she ever had. Garrus and Liara had kept quiet about what they had seen, and the most anyone knew was that Miranda Lawson had died, but not before propelling her father out of a window. Shepard had publically given her props for that, despite having dropped the word 'bitch' into the sentence more than a few times. By now, she was tremendously good at playing pretences.

"Shepard! Wanna drink?" Tali greeted the redhead as she entered her room, raising her cup groggily with a smile no-one would see.

Shepard almost laughed.

"I'm toasting Miranda. I think."

Then she almost didn't.

"How are you getting drunk?" Victoria queried, possibly or possibly not changing the subject because she didn't yet trust herself completely. She couldn't afford any slip ups like back at Sanctuary. She had a galaxy to save and an Oscar to win – best actress she was going for, and so far she thought she was doing well. Sometimes she even convinced herself.

"Very carefully. Turian brandy, triple filtered, and introduced into the suit through an emergency induction port." The Quarian slurred.

"That's a straw Tali."

"Emergency induction port… It's actually getting a lot harder to get it into the slot. I think that means it's working."

Shepard laughed. "Oh it's definitely working."

Tali didn't seem to hear her though, instead returning to the subject of Miranda with the bluntness of a swift kick to Shepard's stomach. Tali had hated Miranda only slightly less than Shepard had, and that was saying something to be sure, because Shepard had hated her an inconceivably great deal.

"She was so rude. What did Jack call her? Cerberus cheerleader? With her perfect genes, and that attitude and… and still, she got it done. She stopped her father."

"With style too. You should have seen how far he went flying. I almost liked her for a second. I didn't, but I came pretty close I'll be honest." Victoria smirked, making Tali giggle briefly, before returning to her sombre silence.

"I didn't realise this would be so hard on you." Shepard thought that the irony was almost poetic as the words passed her lips.

"I didn't like her." _Neither did I. _"Keelah, she was such a bitch." _Most definitely. _"But I respected her. Sometimes that's better than liking." _It would have been better than loving her too…_

"She did whatever it took to stop her father. She never gave in to him. Never changed herself to please him." Tali continued, and the point of the matter finally dawned on Shepard.

"Ah."

"Don't 'ah' me. You sound like a Vorcha."

Shepard mock gasped. "Are you saying you wouldn't love me if I were a Vorcha? Was that some xenophobic discrimination I heard there? I'm shocked Tali, Miss Lawson would be proud."

"I could start my own Quarian supremacist group. We'll plaster our secret helmet logo all across the galaxy."

Shepard grinned. It was sometimes so easy to pretend. Not to forget. That was impossible, but pretending was child's play. She'd been pretending for as long as she could remember. Pretending she was unaffected by the killing she did in the Reds, pretending she made it out of Akuze because of skill and not cowardice, pretending she was impenetrable when all it took was one icy cold bitch to fell her.

"I'll be honest, I don't see it taking off."

"I could come up with a better logo I suppose." Tali muttered absently, returning to fiddling with her straw before sighing. "I spent my life trying to live up to my father. Then making up for his mistakes, doing what he'd have wanted. When do we get to stop reacting to our parents and start living for ourselves?"

"Hell if I know. I'm still sending alcohol labelled 'drown in it' back to mine, with a picture of my ass taped to the side. That or a 'wish you were here' card that I doodled a coffin on. I alternate." A white lie. Her parents were already in the coffin she'd drawn, but if they hadn't been she definitely would have sent the alcohol. Maybe then they would have recognised that ass as Commander Shepard's and felt pretty stupid for not keeping her. "…But maybe if you drink fast enough, you'll find the answer at the bottom of that glass."

She shook the thought of her parents away. She didn't need them. They were gone now and none of it mattered. Just like Thane, and Mordin. Like Kaidan… and Miranda. All gone.

"I might need help with the induction straw… Port…. You know."

Victoria smiled sadly.

"Here's to Miranda." She hadn't said her name out loud since Sanctuary. She was surprised how much it stung, making the grip on the glass she had just picked up all that much tighter.

"Nice job, you genetically perfect, Cerberus Cheerleader Bosh'tet. Keelah Se'lai." Tali raised her cup.

"Keelah Se'lai, bitch." Shepard downed the contents of her glass. _And when this is all over, I'll see you on the other side._

* * *

_AN: Well there it is folks, my first Mass Effect fic. Let me know if you guys liked it and if you want any more. _

_I've actually began writing the first couple of chapters for a sort of OC insert from our universe (or at least it appears that way at first. Things turn out to be a lot more complicated than that). It's still Miranda/Shepard centric, but the story not only goes through Mass Effect 2 and 3 but also the story of the OC that is possibly linked to Shepard's past in the Reds and basically stops the above happening by pushing those two silly women together. It's kind of a strange and different approach to a Shepard/Miranda story but I'd love to know if any of you guys would like to give it a try._

_I must give props to my little sister Jordalina/Jordston Pordston/Smelly Pants (...also known as Jordyn) for proof reading. Thanks a bunch baby sis. :3_


End file.
